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David Hines [userpic]

APED: "world's end"

March 13th, 2009 (05:46 pm)

Here it is. End of the world.
Stand here with me. Look down. See,
far below, in mist that swirls,
shapes of things that shouldn't be.

There another world begins
very different from our own:
its greatest virtues are our sins,
its skies unearthly birds have flown.

You'll ask me now: what's in the mist.
I can't tell you. I don't know.
They used to come. Now they desist.
There was a bargain, years ago.

I didn't tell you, though I ought --
my daughter dear, I love you so --
I drew your number from the lots.
Stand here with me. Look down. Go.

Comments

Posted by: Persephone (persephone_kore)
Posted at: March 13th, 2009 11:44 pm (UTC)

For some bizarre reason, I now have the idea that there's a story after this about what happens to the girl and what she does. Sort of a totally insane forced exploration thing.

And/or, the mistworld of things that ought not to be is actually us.

Posted by: ceitean (ceitean)
Posted at: March 14th, 2009 12:42 am (UTC)
book review

*pokes head in*

Huh. I got more of a 'this girl was sacrificed by pushing her off a cliff' vibe. Like there were bad things that came out of the mist, maybe, and then the bargain to make them stop coming is that there'd be an annual sacrifice, done by lottery?

I wish that there was story after this, but the pessimist in me says it stops there with the fall. :/ (though that does remind me of a book I read when I was a kid, where the girl was sacrificed to a dragon but did end up having a story/journey afterward. With the big, mean dragon. Hmm, I think it was called Dragon's Bait, possibly?)


btw- i LOVE these poems, really. they're always interesting. just thought i'd put that out there. XD

Posted by: Persephone (persephone_kore)
Posted at: March 14th, 2009 03:00 am (UTC)

Huh. I got more of a 'this girl was sacrificed by pushing her off a cliff' vibe. Like there were bad things that came out of the mist, maybe, and then the bargain to make them stop coming is that there'd be an annual sacrifice, done by lottery?

I thought that much was clear, yes. To the point that I didn't mention it and just jumped off afterward, which seems to have produced some confusion. *g*

I was left wondering what the world in the mist beyond the end of the world really was, and to what degree it matches, or doesn't, with her parent's awareness of it. The poem itself brings up the issue of perspectives; "their greatest virtues are our sins" could describe essentially a world of demons, where she'd be lucky to fall and break and die before any of them caught her and kept her alive to play with or teach -- or it could be something stranger. We don't know much about what the speaker would call sins or virtues, after all, or what the things-in-the-mist think regarding either the past incursions or the bargain.

Mostly, I suspect I'm being contrary somehow.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: March 25th, 2009 12:30 am (UTC)

the bargain to make them stop coming is that there'd be an annual sacrifice, done by lottery

That was the original idea, though I wonder now.

I'm glad you're enjoying the poetry!

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: March 25th, 2009 12:29 am (UTC)

Those are both real possibilities, now that you've mentioned them.

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