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David Hines [userpic]

APED: "riverboat gambler"

March 24th, 2009 (09:29 pm)

Skipping around in the requests some this week. Mainly because burger_eater requested "A riverboat gambler who is somewhere other than a riverboat."

...dude, GREATEST PROMPT EVER.


Well, my friend, I'm a riverboat gambler.
And at gambling I sure ain't subpar.
No stranger to winnin', my pockets were brimmin'.
I had cheap women, cheaper cigars.
Then one day I met her -- I'll never forget her.
she sold me a map to the stars,
and so all these years
I've been stuck way out here,
a riverboat gambler on Mars.

Now on Mars there's no one to gamble.
But I lost the map, so I can't leave.
And Mars ain't got no water,
though you'd think that it oughtta,
and this thin air's a mite hard to breathe.
She said she came from here,
and that I should come here,
'cause the two moons are pretty to see.
But I can't forgive her,
'cause there ain't no rivers,
so what the hell does that make me?

I'm still a great riverboat gambler,
even though I'm stuck out here on Mars.
There's no riverboats,
but they say that hope floats,
so I'll ride on that under the stars.
Still, I'd trade something dear for a bottle of beer
and a couple of ten-cent cigars --
And I'd like to be known as
what I'll die alone as,
a riverboat gambler,
(just a riverboat gambler)
a riverboat gambler on Mars.

Comments

Posted by: Coaster (coasterchild)
Posted at: March 25th, 2009 02:10 am (UTC)
jon's thinkyface

Aww, this was amusing and adorable and just tragic enough for me to love it to little bits.

You've got quite a talent for this stuff.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: March 26th, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)

Thanks muchly!

Posted by: Mara (marag)
Posted at: March 25th, 2009 02:15 am (UTC)
Bart says wheeee!

This needs music. I don't know why, but I want to be able to sing it.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: March 26th, 2009 01:14 am (UTC)

I actually do have a tune in my head for this. Alas, my guitar skills have deteriorated, but the next time I see you I will sing it to you. Barak too, if he likes.

Posted by: doctor_alice (doctor_alice)
Posted at: March 25th, 2009 03:07 am (UTC)

Fan. Tastic. Really great, funny and a little sad.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: March 26th, 2009 01:17 am (UTC)

Thank you!

Posted by: A large duck (burger_eater)
Posted at: March 25th, 2009 03:40 am (UTC)
bear headlock!

Nice job, man.

And yeah, you pretty much can't go wrong offering some form of "riverboat gambler" to people asking for ideas.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: March 26th, 2009 01:19 am (UTC)

Is that an Elliot-and-Rossioism? It seems really familiar somehow, but I may just be having deja vu.

Glad you liked it -- this one just jumped to the head of the queue, Itellyouwhut.

Posted by: A large duck (burger_eater)
Posted at: March 26th, 2009 05:18 am (UTC)
Puzzled

I don't *think* it came from them, although I may have internalized it without realizing it.

I used to live with improv comedians and I would go to their shows with a couple unusual suggestions in mind. When they called for an occupation, I tried to answer faster than the guy who would shout "Gynecologist! Bwuh huh huh!"

And that poor gambler. Who ever heard of a canalboat casino? :)

Posted by: Caius (caiusmajor)
Posted at: March 25th, 2009 04:29 pm (UTC)
Hal/Ollie

That's amazing. burger_eater is brilliant, and I agree with marag on it needing music.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: March 26th, 2009 01:25 am (UTC)

I know the tune! I just have to translate it from me singing it to it being interpretable. This will take forever, because I am very out of practice musically and have a lousy ear for this sort of thing.

burger_eater has a book coming out. You should buy it!

(He gives me great prompt, I shill; that's how it works.)

Posted by: A large duck (burger_eater)
Posted at: March 26th, 2009 05:18 am (UTC)
books

Hey, thanks!

Posted by: brewsternorth (brewsternorth)
Posted at: March 25th, 2009 07:31 pm (UTC)
music

Oh genius. Now all it needs is a blues riff...

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: March 26th, 2009 01:37 am (UTC)

Thanks! I hadn't thought of it as a blues! More a folk song in 3/4 time. Hmmm...

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