David Hines (hradzka) wrote,
David Hines

cleaning out the basement: D&D

Have spent today cleaning out Ma's basement, which is sorely needed. This will probably occupy me through the end of the week or thereabouts. I'm finding all sorts of odd detritus, some from my days as a twelve-to-fourteen-year-old running and playing role-playing games, the kind of stuff that makes you look back at the misty days of youth and make you think, "Oh, God, was I really such a dork?"

To realize the true horror of this statement, you have to remember that I am saying this while fully acknowledging that *I am a colossal dork right now.*

For example: I unearthed an old D&D character sheet. Old-school D&D, you remember, Basic Rules, the boxed set that had the introductory adventure where you bought your armor in the shop of old Armorer Baldrick, from whose apple tree your fighter remembered snitching fruit "when you were young and foolish." I can't scan it, because Ma has no scanner, but looking at it is enough to make me cringe. My character was Filch, a Thief. Because I had an insufferable sense of morality in them days, he was Lawful alignment. Not quite sure how that worked. Probably he stole something, then turned himself in.

I played this game with my friend Jamie. Seriously. That was it. That's how dorky we were: we couldn't enlist any other kids to join us in D&D, so one of us would GM for the other's solo adventure. Worked out pretty well, actually, and we had even more fun playing the espionage game TOP SECRET. But that's a story for another day. The dorkiest part was that Jamie and I were such dedicated munchkins -- we were maybe thirteen at this time, remember -- that my character's level of abilities and stuff is downright embarrassing.

How embarrassing? Er... well: 16 Strength! 14 Intelligence! 15 Wisdom! 17 Dexterity! 18 Constitution! and my concession to modesty, a mere 10 Charisma. These scores, you will note, were unencumbered by such concessions to reality as "rolling." The truth is that these scores were pretty much the maximum we felt I could have without, um, obviously min-maxing.

...look, at least we felt *guilty* about it, okay? And I'd PLAYED my all-18s cleric. It was out of my system. Besides, we made up for it in equipment. Check out my magic items: Potion of Growth! Potion of Healing! Spell scroll (sleep)! Spell scroll (knock, hold person, lightning bolt)! Ring of invisibility! Spell scroll (door, fire/ice wall)! +3 Sword! Bag of holding!

I was Level 2.

I have no memory of any of the games we played with this character, but we must have had a couple adventures, though the notes on my character sheet are, as ever, cryptic -- writing those was never the fun part, and they didn't exactly leave you much room for it, anyway. Filch's adventures, according to my notes, consisted of the following: "Dungeon 04. Met Hobgoblins. D06 -- Reptile."

I guess I must've killed somebody's pet iguana and found that he'd swallowed fifty gold pieces and a ring of invisibility, or something. And had spell scrolls lining his cage, but he hadn't pooped on them much yet.

Hey, man. What could I do? It was a *vicious* iguana.

Tags: life, video

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