And in other news, civilization makes a comeback:
The Chap Olympics, however, has grown unstoppably since its inception in 2004. They have even had to adapt to such caddish 21st century customs as cheating by introducing random moustache testing. "If you can't be genuine in your facial accoutrements," explains Temple, "how can you possibly wear cufflinks with conviction?"
"Drug and alcohol testing?" he adds, somewhat bemused. "We are sponsored by Hendrick's Gin. The more the merrier."
The Chaps' sports "injuries" are similarly novel. "Raconteur's wrist," says Arbuthnot, waving his hand theatrically. "Dreadful business."
Only the elite few, of course, can ascend to the ranks of the Chap Olympians. Temple ignores vulgarities like athletic ability. "There is the tie, the trouser creases, so many factors."
"Trainers?!" he splutters. "I can't even begin to express how - on every level - they are wrong. If you must engage in sporting activity, and I can't really see why that would be necessary, old-fashioned white canvas plimsolls are perfectly adequate. Or brogues with a strong sole."