David Hines (hradzka) wrote,
David Hines
hradzka

books to make my flist's heads explode: John Ringo

Lately, some folks on my f-list have been looking at Lord King Bad profic. brown_betty gave us LEOPARD LORD, and cereta reviewed THE SHEIK, and burger_eater pointed me to Smart Bitches, Trashy Books's take on Shayla Black's DECADENT. These books, it should be admitted, are deeply awful, and as portrayals of their authors' ids, they're more than a little alarming. You don't want to look, but you can't look away. The awfulness becomes sublime.

So why am I commenting about this? Well, because I feel a little like Richard Dreyfuss in JAWS, during the scar scene: "I got that beat. I got that beat."

Permit me to introduce John Ringo.

Contains excerpts of fiction revolving heavily around 1) rape and 2) whores. If you're bothered by this kind of thing, YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT TO READ ABOUT THIS. Even though it's so bad it's funny.Collapse )
Tags: books, oh john ringo no
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Deleted comment

at this point, that would sell a *ton* of t-shirts. everyone on my flist is laughing so hard at that, it's almost a requirement now that something like this be done for liberty con, which both John and a large contingent of barflies attend. :-D

-bs

strega42

12 years ago

"Man Builds Stuff and Gets Lots of Pussy."

Oh! The "Cross Time Engineer" model of authoring!

This was hilarious to read.

Moreso because I'm reading Kildar right now. *ahem* Again.

Sometimes, I just need to turn my brain down for a while. Not off, mind you, so I don't watch TV, but down.

"Because the *good* guys want to get laid, too. Understand?"

Well... they do!
Oh! The "Cross Time Engineer" model of authoring!

EXACTLY. What more does a man want out of life, really?
OH MY GOD. This made me crack up, like, a million times. Now in my mind OH JOHN RINGO NO will be an all-encompassing catchphrase for terrible, and no one will understand this.
...see, that's what I thought, too. And then it turned out that other people started using it.

I'm just delighted that other people find the phrase useful.
...and now I feel terribly guilty for referencing you over at unfunnybusiness without even dropping in to say "Hi!" here first. In my defense, that comm's never had anything like this much traffic before.

It's just such an unforgettable turn of phrase! And so useful! And such an excellent analysis, all through!

I actually saw "Ghost" on the pile of weeded-from-his-collection SF paperbacks my uncle was giving away last Christmas. And despite having a good impression of Ringo through the free library, I didn't take it because I couldn't figure out how it was SF.

Now I'm kind of hoping "Kildar" shows up on the pile next year, because I've got a completely unironic love of the "Man builds stuff and gets lots of pussy" genre (second only to the sadly much rarer "Woman with small children builds stuff and oppresses man" genre) and you give the impression it's an actually fairly readable example of it, if one's willing to wade through the whores.
No worries! I'm just glad folks like it enough to reference. Thanks for stopping by here.

I certainly found OH JOHN RINGO NO to be useful, so I'm glad to know other folks do as well. (And I would totally read that second genre you mention.)

melannen

12 years ago

Anonymous

12 years ago

I must've been prescient when I kept reading the title of his first book as "A Hymen Before Battle."
...I... you know, I think that actually applies to book 4 in this series.

Deleted comment

Believe it or not, I got my start in fannish writings with literary MST3K. We called 'em MiSTings; our prey was fanfic. Ah, those were the days. I was the one who introduced the MST3K community to Stephen Ratliff, a really nice guy and a terrible writer. There are archives.

I don't know if folks are still doing these, but I do know that after I left off doing it, another guy named David Hines did several, *including a bunch of Ratliff fic.* No, not confusing at all!

YOU!!!!

carlen

12 years ago

I'm not sure what it says about me that I can't get past the horrifying to find the funny. I'm also not sure which is worse: that this crap could get published at all, or knowing that there are probably an awful lot of male readers who don't understand that they're not supposed to like the main character. Between this and the "Open Source Boob Project", I've just moved about two points over on the Kinsey scale.
Between this and the "Open Source Boob Project", I've just moved about two points over on the Kinsey scale.

Well, I don't know if this helps, but on the bright side, depending on where you started from, you may have opened a new frontier for science.

("Negative one? What does that even mean?!")
And can I add that I am annoyed at the false advertising that is the summary blurb on the back cover of Ghost? I spent 6 USD on Ghost, expecting an action adventure. I goth a book that was 2/3 porn. I want a refund.
The proportion of porn is remarkably high, isn't it? Part II is the most amazing to me: the book goes from action and slaughter with naked babes to just being... fishing. And naked babes. For a surprisingly long time.

It's kind of like the movie referenced in THREE AMIGOS -- the one that tanked because, while audiences flocked to three wealthy Spanish landowners defending the lives of peasants, nobody cared about three wealthy Spanish landowners on a weekend in Manhattan. In part II of GHOST, you feel kind of like you walked into that movie by mistake.

Anonymous

12 years ago

artistshipper

12 years ago

this made me laugh all the way through. I don't know if I can actually read the books, since I see Ringo on the convention circuit and might not be able to keep a straight face next time I see him if I do.

Also this seems like just about the maximum recommended level of exposure to prose like that >.>
RINGO can't even keep a straight face when the books are mentioned in his presence. So you shouldn't feel that you should have to. :-p

Re: nice

hradzka

12 years ago

OH Holy Crap. I... just... wow. The fact that these books exist make me a little afraid.

And strangely intrigued
A lot of people seem to be having that reaction. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Deleted comment

My *BRAIN*. Bleach, I need BLEACH.

It does not help.

Do not ask me how I know this.

(10% solution? BAH GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT.)
Thanks for posting this. Pretty good review, in the fer-what-its-worth category.
Me, I love the Kildar series - "Paladin of Shadows" just doesn't work.
Me? Mike Harmon isn't me, but I know him, worked with him. understand him.
Your reaction, and many of the reactions on this thread, remind me of the movie "Babe"
Think of how the sheep think about the sheepdogs.
{grin}This sheep dog is reading the sheeple comments and chuckling.

Kildar is a look into the Darkness. A Sheeple looks at it and shudders.

Me, I get both nostalgia and horror, "at least I wasn't this bad".

Yep, John is thinking about "how the world is, and think of how it ought to be."

{BSEG} Me, I just buy the E-arcs as soon as they get released.

You know, you really ought to pick up the "Looking Glass" series. Those are action-adventure in the Heinlein juvenile style, updated to the 21st Century.
I'd really like to see what you think of "Princess of Wands"

Sleep well
Ed the Loadsmasher

*salutes* Keep the flag flying, Loadsmasher!
Great stuff, I always use to wonder when I came across the John Norman
books when I was in my teens how these books could be sold out of every drug store in the country when they said that the only good woman was a slave and that all women secretly wanted to be slaves. But obviously John has been reincarnated (if hes dead) or his muse has moved on. Of course the first names are the same so, perhaps .... lol.
On the other hand, YIng and Yang baby, Ying and Yang.
We all have a dark side and better to leave it in your mind.
I see a lot of people trying to deny the real world.
A) are there hookers forced to work as sex slaves all over the world? CHECK
B) do you either have to have a lot of conditioning or be seriously screwed up to kill someone and end there life? CHECK
C) have warrior/leaders throughout history founded empires, kept harems, built and destroyed acording to there whims and thoughts. CHECK
D) do s&m, bondage, fetish, and swinger clubs exist in every major city in North america and the world (above or below public perception)plus a lot of the small towns? CHECK
E) Are small wars and blackops run every day somewhere in the world, do those with the pull and the muscle use it to get concesions, even from the superpowers? CHECK
F)Is a least 3/4 of the world populated by countries and places that regard women as at best broodmares, at worst chattel and disposable? CHECK

so I'm a little confused, are you unhappy because he's writing about the real world and just had the bad judgement to actually get it printed
or mad because he pulled the blanket off your heads?

P.S. At present the West is involved in a war with an enemy that thinks if he dies killing non-belivers he will go to paradice where he will be serviced by 99 virgins that are his personal harem
(kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?)
I just skimmed this but that is LOL cringeworthy, simultaneously funny and embarrassing (for both of you -- someone has shamed himself and you're vaguely ashamed for having seen it).

That may actually be worse then the John Norman "Gor" books full of sexy spirited slave girls who sometimes had to be "tamed" first.

All of that said, to quote some of your justified mockery...
"Let us rape them to the Glory of Allah!"

This particularly shitty "story" aside... You literally *don't* think that happens in various places around the world to some degree?

Thanks.

...huh. I always remembered that line as "Life is hard. It's harder when you're stupid." -- McLintock, right?

Deleted comment

Do not be ashamed. I have committed myself to buying the whole *series* as Ringo puts it out. Er, in paperback, anyway.

...and okay, fine, I'm a bit ashamed.
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  • dear author letter 2014

    Dear Yuletide Author, Here's the part I type every year: I'm pretty much a genfic guy. Light romance is okay, especially if it's funny, but for the…

  • dear Yuletide author

    Dear Yuletide Author, Here's the part I type every year: I'm pretty much a genfic guy. Light romance is okay, especially if it's funny, but for the…

  • dear Yuletide author

    Dear Yuletide Writer, Here's the part I type every year: I'm pretty much a genfic guy. Light romance is okay, especially if it's funny, but for the…