David Hines (hradzka) wrote,
David Hines
hradzka

books to make my flist's heads explode: John Ringo

Lately, some folks on my f-list have been looking at Lord King Bad profic. brown_betty gave us LEOPARD LORD, and cereta reviewed THE SHEIK, and burger_eater pointed me to Smart Bitches, Trashy Books's take on Shayla Black's DECADENT. These books, it should be admitted, are deeply awful, and as portrayals of their authors' ids, they're more than a little alarming. You don't want to look, but you can't look away. The awfulness becomes sublime.

So why am I commenting about this? Well, because I feel a little like Richard Dreyfuss in JAWS, during the scar scene: "I got that beat. I got that beat."

Permit me to introduce John Ringo.

Contains excerpts of fiction revolving heavily around 1) rape and 2) whores. If you're bothered by this kind of thing, YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT TO READ ABOUT THIS. Even though it's so bad it's funny.Collapse )
Tags: books, oh john ringo no
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I started laughing uncontrollably right around "JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR", and then I didn't stop. I'll be lucky if I don't make my new LJ name cottontail the killer whore. Well done, man.
Many belated thanks!

And Cottontail is eminently deserving of tribute.
Heres what John Ringo said on his web page a few months ago.


'Claws that Catch: Sequel to Manxome Foe. Scheduled but I'm not sure for when.

Eye of the Storm: The next 'new/first' Mike O'Neal book which will reintroduce many of the characters from the earlier Aldenata books as well as some drawn from the Tom Kratman and Julie Cochrane collaborations. Done, waiting to be scheduled because it has to come after...

Honor of the Clan: The last of the Cally trilogy. The whole purpose of the cally books have been to set up the conditions of the universe that will reintroduce Mike. I'd intended to have him only be a cameo character in HotC with a big reintroduction in Eye, but he's turning out to be one of the main ones in HotC.

Tuloriad: With Tom Kratman. The story of Tulostenaloor after his escape from Earth and the spiritual journey of the Posleen who have figured out that maybe The Path of Fury isn't a long term survival trait. At least with Humans in the galaxy. Finished, unscheduled. (Not sure if this should come out before or after Eye of the Storm. It has spoilers either way.)

All other series' there's no definite word. My writing this year has been severely disrupted. I think I'm getting past that but I have six started novels and none that gelled. If I can get the muse kicked into gear I can probably finish any of them in fairly short order. (Two Ghost novels including a spin-off, two Special circumstances and two 'what are these?') There are indications that that may be the case lately, but I'm not promising anything. With four novels in the pipeline nobody should be complaining.'

I put the info up earlier, but it got covered up by the reply page, anyway here it is out in the open.
I agree with that whole lengthy rant-ish review.

However, that doesn't mean I don't still like the books. It's like a seriously messed up adventure series for "big kids."

His other series are better. They're not near Asimov or Clark level, but then again it's like Ringo writes to fit the niche between children and young adult's level and "adult" Fiction(like, intellectually mature as opposed to graphically violent and/or sexual [usually and with Ringo]).
They do have a strange appeal to them, I must admit. You start off going, OHMYGOD! and then you realize you've bought all of them.

Anonymous

10 years ago

here via cosma shalizi.

god, what an amazingly hilarious book review! that totally made my day.
Thanks very much!
That is perhaps the single best book review I ever read, all hyperbole aside. A friend pointed me at your blog and I couldn't stop reading. OH JOHN RINGO NO!

I actually own a couple Ringo books (not these -- fortunately? unfortunately?), but have not yet read them. I can't decide if I am more disturbed that they were written, published, popular enough to warrant a series, or that I am ever so slightly tempted to pick up the first one to read it in all its glory.

I've added you as an LJ friend because I like guns, comics, and science fiction, and am looking forward to reading more of your wisdom.
Thanks! And welcome aboard. I post irregularly, but I try to put interesting stuff out every so often. Wisdom,alas, is in only occasional supply.

bibliorex

12 years ago

Anonymous

June 11 2008, 17:19:51 UTC 12 years ago

OMG!! I laughed all the way through this review. The first time I read "Ghost" I spent half the book saying, "John, you're not going to go there. You went there." OH JOHN RINGO NO is so much more efficient. I think I shall use it whenever I'm reading implausible plot development.
Coincidentally, I got here from JR's own blog, and I'm glad I did.
Thanks!

The first time I read "Ghost" I spent half the book saying, "John, you're not going to go there. You went there."

And he *keeps doing it.* Not as much in the later books, thankfully -- though he still sucker-punches you with it on occasion.
I just got pointed at this post.

This is the third horrible thing I've read that has a character named Katya in it. I hereby declare that no authors should ever include a Katya into their work, because it always ends in tears. Tears. Tears of revulsion.

Thanks for pointing this out to us and sharing the pain.
My goddess, you are simply hilarious. Thank you so much for sharing that review with all of us. GENIUS!

For a few of my OH JOHN RINGO NO moments, take a look at:

http://lady-anemone.livejournal.com/614848.html
http://lady-anemone.livejournal.com/433102.html

He's like crack. And he makes me feel dirty.
I had just finished "Crown of Slaves" when I stumbled upon "Ghost"... I was a little shocked at first... and then it kept on going... and going... "OH JOHN RINGO NO!" doesn't begin to cover it... it was like watching a train wreck... I couldn't look away... I was horrified, shocked, felt the need to take a shower... and then found the rest of the books...

I justify having read all of the series by telling myself, "you had a girlfriend who made you read all of Anne Rice, and I do mean ALL of Anne Rice, and you worked with a semi-barbaric... ok, Barbaric woman who suckered you with Hamilton's Anita Blake series that went from mildly entertaining Vampire stories to OMFG Anne Rice... followed by 'Elf Porn'... think of it as cleansing, balancing it all out..." But no, then I had to read it again... all of it... and send copies to a couple of friends who had served in special forces or still were.

Basically this is Guy Candy, the male version of "Elf Porn". And once you get past the mind numbing horror of "Ghost", it does start to redeem itself, in so much as well... I'm sure it redeems it somehow... I'm going to hell for reading these... multiple times...

I'm a middle of the road kind of guy, try to see both sides of any argument, though I admit, I lean right. So, these books, and I'm probably funding Ringo's retirement by doing it, they are what I send to the hard core kool aid drinking friends on the left who tend to shout people down in arguments and such... it's petty, I know... I usually do tell them that he dies horribly in the end... they curse my name a lot... on the plus side, the friends still serving send me thank you cards now and then from Iraq and Afghanistan, so it all balances out in the end... I still need a shower... God help me when I tell my priest this in Confession, I'm going to need a wheel chair after pennance...

B
Actually, this post fills me with hope and confidence.

Because if a published author can oput something this awful out and still have a good name afterwards, then there's a chance that anyone -- even me! -- can get published.

Thank you, sir, thank you!
I just LOVE these books.. I'm rofl half of the time, and really enjoying it the other.. I mean who else has the balls to write this stuff... Pussy, Beer and Blood, w/ a bit of the self-reflective angst warriors usually have to deal with in the aftermath. I realize this bardo might shock some of the more sensitive, but there's more raw, unvarnished truth in there than most folks can handle. Oh well, it's ok to ride the coat tails in a bit of voyueristic sizzle, and then reflect on the challenge to your belief systems.

Warriors and Hero's have it tough in this culture, so very few people get it, and you know the brotherhood in one take. The s&m scenes are done by someone who's been there.. those that are curious can visit the power exchange in san francisco for an intro.

I just got to hand it to john for taking a psychic can-opener to the politically correct and handing them an inside look at their suppressed (or not so suppressed) dark side.. Here's a salute to Truth!

JR if you make it back to S.F. again, drop me a line at jleb888 at gmail dot com and I think I can still find a damn bar in this city where we can smoke a cigar and have a beer! (though the libs are closing in again!)

-Best
J.L.
...
Just when I thought that humanity couldn't get creepier...

It isn't that words fail me- it is simply that words to descirbe this... thing... probably belong in the Choas Codex, describing the followers of Khrone , Slanessh, Nurgle and Tzeentch... this is Chaos Undivided, horror beyond human comprehension.

As for political stuff... I think the last eight years has shown trusting the government implicatly is a really bad idea (aka the liberals are right) and this...

I find it disturbing that he strawmans liberals at the same time. This is almost as bad... worse actually, than "The War at Home", where Dinesh declares that the differance between conservatives and liberals is that liberals have a conscience. He was MOCKING liberals, by the way, but saying that liberals get there morality inside and conservatives rely on books...

Great. Now my ID scenario is becoming bathing the Earth in nuclear fire to cleanse it of such a taint. Why won't it leave my head?!

Can someone do me a favor? Bring this review or information about these books existance here:
http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/

I have seen their reaction to Gor- I want to see their responce. Make it burn! BURN!

spiritualmonkey

August 13 2008, 23:22:46 UTC 12 years ago Edited:  August 13 2008, 23:26:38 UTC

It's like an 80s Schwarzenegger movie written by Ayn Rand.

But big points to J.R. for having a sense of humor.

nice!

Anonymous

September 3 2008, 23:41:40 UTC 12 years ago

personally im a fan of the series but reading this made me crack up regardless of what was said about the books
Being more of a non-aggression axiom person myself, the harem would have an open option to get the same training and equipment as Cottontail the Bionic Killer Whore.

Thank you so very much for this "labor of love" of a review.

Not only am I far more likely to get the books now, I'm also far more likely not to throw them out. I thought _Titan_ and _Gaea_ by John Varley were a bit too much when I read them, but that was a loooong time ago.

Agreed with your comment about ruminant-sex from ...darn it, I can't find the author above and I forget. But yeah, some authors just seem to write their psychotherapy sessions as novels. Or endless series of them, anyway.

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  • dear author letter 2014

    Dear Yuletide Author, Here's the part I type every year: I'm pretty much a genfic guy. Light romance is okay, especially if it's funny, but for the…

  • dear Yuletide author

    Dear Yuletide Author, Here's the part I type every year: I'm pretty much a genfic guy. Light romance is okay, especially if it's funny, but for the…

  • Newtown: a tactical assessment

    I'm going to talk about the Newtown, Connecticut murders at Sandy Hook Elementary School in two posts. This is the first one. In this one, I'll talk…