January 28th, 2009

sledge hammer!

APED: "it's totally just as good"

(with profound apologies to Robert E. Howard)

I have not gone to haunted leas, or heard the silence fall
But I have borrowed mom's car keys, and driven to the mall.
I have not watched the dragons come, fire-eyed, across the world,
But I have drunk a lot of rum, and then I've really hurled.

I have not paced a silent hall where each step waked a ghost,
But with my minis, dice, and all, I've D&D'd the most.
I have not walked a city's street where no man else had trod,
But I have nagged guys to complete a really bitchin' mod.

I have not fled from crimson eyes and black unearthly wings,
But I have dreamed of women's thighs, and pinker, softer things.
I have not seen a ghostly shore that no man else has seen,
But the internet is rich in porn with barely legal teens.

I have not seen a woman leap from a dragon's crimson stall,
but I have snacked on yellow Peeps during study hall.
And I have watched on YouTube skaters' injuries galore,
And I have bought Darth Vader shirts from an online store.

And on E-Bay, when I can't wait, I click "Buy it Now."
And I've stayed up all night -- well, late -- killing boars on WoW.
I've joined a guild of raiders there so I can pwn some n00bz.
When girls bend over, I stare down their shirts to glimpse their boobs.

I have not trailed a dark-eyed Man across a windy waste.
But back in kindergarten, I would often eat the paste.
I have not reached a misty sky upon a granite wind.
But do you know that Onan guy? I'm all about his sin.

a tale of two douchebags

Pope Benedict has rescinded the excommunication of Richard Williamson, formerly a Catholic bishop. Way formerly. Twenty years ago. Actually, I'm not sure if he is or was really a bishop, as he was excommunicated immediately upon consecration, as was the bishop who consecrated him and three other guys who were consecrated at the same time.

It was an internal Vatican power thing: the reports I've read have not been completely clear, but from what I gather the consecrating bishop, one Marcel Lefebvre, was in a traditionalist split-off group called the Society of St. Pius X, and I guess he decided to make his own bishops in order to boost said group -- without going through the appropriate channels. I don't know if the excommunication being rescinded means they're bishops again, or if they're priests, or just lay Catholics.

Why is Pope Benedict making this move? Well, two reasons. First, Benedict himself is a traditionalist who has some sympathies with folks who, for example, prefer the Latin mass to the vernacular. Second, the Society of St. Pius X has 150,000 members. That's a hundred and fifty thousand more Catholics, if Benedict can reconcile the split.

Nobody who wasn't Catholic would give a rat's ass about this, except for one minor problem: Richard Williamson is a Jew-hating loon who last week gave an interview to Swedish television in which he denied the Holocaust. As you can imagine, we Jews are a little pissed. It's a blow to Catholic-Jewish relations, and it's a real shit sandwich for the Pope. (I actually feel a little for Pope Benedict on this one: Williamson was thrown out for being consecrated in defiance of papal authority, not for being a Jew-hating loon, and on getting back in he immediately sets about making things more difficult for the Pope. Way to get off on the right foot, there, guy.)

Anyway, I heard about that on NPR this morning. Collapse )