June 27th, 2009

sledge hammer!

no, there is not a pirate hunting cruise

I've seen the Somali pirate safari story all over the place (the story: there is a Russian cruise line that will, for five grand plus an additional sum for weapon rental, take you through Somali waters so you can shoot at pirates), so I figure it's my obligation to step up and point out that it is complete and utter bullshit.

Every single article ever is quoting one Austrian paper I'd never heard of. I went to their website, and the article about it (apparently the second such article) leads off with a boast of having gotten 100,000 hits. Eventually, they mention this: "Denn erstens ist noch immer nicht geklärt, ob die russische Piratenjagd nur eine Satire oder bittere Realität ist . . ."

Translation: "It isn't clear if the Russian pirate cruise is a satire or harsh reality."

(Two things set off my bullshit detector. One: gun laws in Russia are *insane.* No way a Russian company could pull this off. Two: not a single article about this mentioned the name of this supposed nihilistic cruise line. I mean, if it's a company that people can book passage with, it's got to have a name, right? Or a CEO, who's good for some flamboyant and horrifying quotes? Any journalist would kill to interview the guy who runs that business. And yet, no company, no boss... nothing... aha! bullshit!)
cass groovy

APED: "rule of three"

Three little pigs built three little homes,
not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin.
They built in straw and sticks and stone,
not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin.

Three gruff goats went out to the grass
Who's trip-trapping over my bridge?
Troll tried some shit. They kicked his ass.
Who's trip-trapping over my bridge?

Three miller's sons found the will causing strife:
one got the mill, one the ass, one the cat.
Got the cat boots; cat got him a wife,
one got the mill, one the ass, one the cat.

Three bears lived in a home in the woods,
porridge too hot, too cold, just right.
Their security system wasn't no good,
porridge too hot, too cold, just right.

If you're stuck in a fairy tale, listen to me.
happily ever after now:
things work out if you're number three,
happily ever after now.