I said, "Bite me, oh, bite me,
make me like you, man,
so dark and compelling I scarce can believe.
Bite me, oh, bite me, now,
c'mon, you gotta,
this life ain't been great and I'm itchin' to leave."
I said, "Lemme sleep days,
'cause I do that already.
Not in a coffin, but that can't be too bad --
full it right up with dirt
from the place what I come from,
'cause then I can leave it,
and oh, I'll be glad."
I said, "Lemme wear black,
and lemme wear leather,
maybe undead, I won't look like a dork,
lemme drink up the blood
of pretty young virgins,
won't have to wash dishes, and won't need no forks."
I said, "Let people hate me,
they do it already,
be nice if the reason was somethin' real cool.
Bite me, oh bite me,
I'll go on a rampage,
I'll eat everybody what mocked me in school."
And he did! And I did!
And they came back just like me,
except cooler, and darker, and better, somehow,
and I'm back in my place
in the old pecking order,
so Mister Van Helsing, just please stake me now.