David Hines (hradzka) wrote,
David Hines


Ah, joy. Netflix just sent me THE BLOOD OF HEROES, and I watched it, and I am immensely happy again. Looking back, Rutger Hauer gives a *freaky* vibe in most of his movies (sometimes disturbingly so, as in the insane but oddly enjoyable -- well, for half its length, anyway -- SPLIT SECOND, in which Hauer appears to have seized on every opportunity to suck face with co-star Kim Cattrall, whether or not it was in the script), but it works really well in TBOH, which I still maintain is the best post-apocalyptic bloodsport movie ever made. It's got a great cast and crew: Hauer shares above-the-title billing with the ever-awesome and gorgeous Joan Chen, and their teammates in said post-apocalyptic bloodsport include Delroy freakin' Lindo and Vincent goddamn Donofrio. Plus the great Australian B-movie actor Max Fairchild shows up. AND it is written and directed by David Webb Peoples, who wrote a little Clint Eastwood flick called UNFORGIVEN.

This movie *must* be awesome, you think on hearing that. And it is. Okay, I admit that when I showed it to friends in college they shrugged and looked at me funny, but I also have friends to whom saying "Nobody carries the Dog-boy" conveys meaningful information about the speaker's emotional state. Hauer is Sallow, who used to be in the League and played The Game in the subterranean Nine Cities. An indiscretion with a noble lady -- he offended a lord -- saw him banished to the surface, where he played in the crappy little settlements called dogtowns. Here, he and his team encounter Kidda, played by Joan Chen. Kidda is a farmer's daughter obsessed with the sport of jugging, which she enjoys in large part because she likes hurting people. After a spirited match in which Sallow's team beats Kidda's, Kidda manages to join Sallow's team by the expedient of breaking her counterpart's leg and crippling him. (Said counterpart, the Dog-boy, turns down an offer to carry him after he can no longer stand, in words that ring through the ages: "No! Nobody carries the Dog-boy.") After beating the bejesus out of every dogtown team in sight, they head for the Red City, where they hope to challenge the big leaguers at their game.

...um. Did I mention that the point of this game is to grab a dog skull and put it on a pointed stake?

Anyway, I freakin' love this movie. It's one of my possibilities for Yuletide next year. As far as I know, there is no fanfic, but apparently there is now *an international league dedicated to the game depicted therein.* It is played with ersatz dog skulls and foam weapons. Fans. God love 'em.
Tags: movies

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