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David Hines [userpic]

APED: "alcoholic's villanelle"

January 27th, 2009 (06:54 am)

Look at yourself. Get up off the floor.
You don't need to have another drink.
Think of all those who have gone before.

Don't say you can't do this any more.
"All is lost. The future's black as ink."
Look at yourself. Get up off the floor.

Now your hands are shaking. They'll shake more.
Vomit out your breakfast in the sink.
Think of all those who have gone before.

Now there's only degradation, or --
Take a moment now to stop and think.
Look at yourself. Get up off the floor.

Think what you've become, what you abhor.
You don't need to have another drink.
Think of all those who have gone before.

Take one step. Then take eleven more.
Bill did it, too. He went to the brink.
Look at yourself. Get up off the floor.
Think of all those who have gone before.

Comments

Posted by: Caius (caiusmajor)
Posted at: January 27th, 2009 08:35 pm (UTC)
Cap & Falc

Very nice! I love villanelles.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: January 27th, 2009 11:20 pm (UTC)
cameron's head

This poem made me realize that the villanelle is a remarkably effective form for communicating despair. I think it's the refrains -- that numb repetition is a very despair-related thing.

(I have not had problems with drink, myself, but clawing myself up off the floor is something with which I do have experience.)

Posted by: Maire (mkcs)
Posted at: January 28th, 2009 08:24 am (UTC)

So, when you publish a book, you'll be letting us know about it, right? I like your stuff. Some of it looks like you might want to polish it further, but then it's a poem a day, so I assume you may go back and do so sometime.

And your ideas and overall use of language are excellent.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: January 28th, 2009 11:45 am (UTC)

Yes on the tweaking; I've already done that on one, and would do so on others. If I actually manage to pull this off, I'll make a self-published book when they're done. Maybe collect them into themes and try to interest publishers; I think a collection of the monster poems could go over well with kids.

And thanks much!

Posted by: Maire (mkcs)
Posted at: January 28th, 2009 07:50 pm (UTC)

Excellent! Let me know when you're self-publishing.

I made a website for my sister about publishing oneself, incidentally. I have no idea if you've done this before, and the legal bits on the site are specific to New Zealand, but it might have something useful for you, if you are interested. It has a description of what is usually put in the front matter (imprints and so on) and also one of the usual editing process used at the publishing houses I've worked at.

http://diaspora.gen.nz/~maire/Guerilla_Bookmaking/index.html

Posted by: stalkere (stalkere)
Posted at: February 8th, 2009 07:40 pm (UTC)
alcoholic's villanelle Another good one

Been there, done that.
You capture the experience real well.
Well, on the subject of self-publishing, I have a file of every poem you've posted (that I could find) so far.
Looking forward to more
Ed

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