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David Hines [userpic]

APED: "monster anti-defamation league free verse"

February 4th, 2009 (06:44 am)

dear sir

the monster anti-defamation league
would like to register some complaints
regarding you
and your monster poems

in your poems
monsters are always eating people
and breaking into houses
to eat people
and lying in wait
to eat people
and skulking through the night
also to eat people

these stereotypes are outrageous
and also unfounded
mostly

to be quite frank
many of us are terrifying enough as it is
without having to eat people
(have you ever seen a behinder?
you don't want to)

monsters are under beds and in closets
across the country
but they are never responsible for small children going missing
well hardly ever
it would be one thing if there were a coherent ideology at work
but there is not
we just get hungry
also
many monsters now have productive careers in diverse fields
such as mall security and urban renewal
we hope soon to have the vote

we do not wish to be seen as overbearing
but if you do not take our criticism seriously
we cannot be responsible
for every monster

some of whom actually do eat people
and like poets
with garlic

Comments

Posted by: Snow (snowishness)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 12:28 pm (UTC)

Very cute.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 07:10 pm (UTC)

I think it's a little lazy -- I should have gone for more monstery concerns, probably -- but I am very glad you liked it!

Posted by: oracne - Victoria Janssen (oracne)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 01:45 pm (UTC)

I like this one a lot.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 07:10 pm (UTC)

I am very glad you do.

Posted by: Roga (roga)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 04:38 pm (UTC)

Oh, awesome.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 07:11 pm (UTC)
cass groovy

Thanks!

Posted by: Coaster (coasterchild)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 05:35 pm (UTC)
comicses: timmy is cute

Haha! So good!

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 07:11 pm (UTC)

Thank you!

Posted by: violent_rabbit (violent_rabbit)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 06:24 pm (UTC)

This poem makes me inexplicably happy.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 07:11 pm (UTC)

I am always happy to cause the inexplicable!

Posted by: Sara LaKali (sara_lakali)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 06:56 pm (UTC)

Nearly everything tastes better with garlic.

What doesn't, usually goes good with cinnamon.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 07:12 pm (UTC)
sledge hammer!

...this kind of makes me want to put cinnamon on garlic. Just to see what will happen.

Posted by: Sara LaKali (sara_lakali)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 08:51 pm (UTC)

This may be just beating that dead horse, Absurdity, but my chili recipe calls for both cinnamon and garlic (among many other things).

Posted by: Not your everyday Viking angel (shadowvalkyrie)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 07:40 pm (UTC)
excused from saving universes

"X-D Awesome!

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 07:12 pm (UTC)

Thank you!

Posted by: Caius (caiusmajor)
Posted at: February 5th, 2009 02:03 am (UTC)

Oh my goodness, finally a poem that is not horrifying!

Still awesome, though. Watch out for those monsters! :D

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)

Oh my goodness, finally a poem that is not horrifying!

You only say that because you haven't met their attorney!

...yeah, I've been hitting the horrifying a lot lately. I, um. Will try to write some cheery things?

Posted by: sireric08 (sireric08)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 03:35 am (UTC)

But, you see, the trouble with poet
is how do you know it's deceased?

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)

Stick to priest.

Posted by: •• the years oƒ living ∂angerously happy •• (nightengale)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 11:10 pm (UTC)
!distractable!

HEE!!

I was going to say that my favorite bit was,

(have you ever seen a behinder?
you don't want to)


But then I got to the garlic, and now I've gotten to priests, and. Eee! I'm doing the stupid kind of giggle that makes the cat doubt my sanity. :D

Posted by: Elleria (elleria)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 06:55 am (UTC)

I can't stop laughing.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: February 6th, 2009 07:14 pm (UTC)

1) Try holding your breath.
2) Drink a glass of water upside-down.
3) Have a friend scare you.

-- oh, wait. That's hiccups. never mind.

(And thanks.)

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