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David Hines [userpic]

APED: "sing me sweetly"

February 28th, 2009 (09:39 pm)

Sing me sweetly, one last time.
Because I'll die with you.
We both got old, before our time:
the world wants something new.
And so it goes, and so do we,
and time just rolls along,
and it rolls over you, and me.
Old woman. Older song.
So sing me now. Oh, sing your fill.
Before we cease to be.
Songs, my sisters, are sung still
but no one else sings me.
Being sung forever was my plan.
But the bloom went off the rose.
Sing me, please, because you can.
For you're the last who knows.
I still could be immortal, dear.
We're different, you and I:
Sing me, please, so someone hears --
For I don't want to die.


Posted by: Maire (mkcs)
Posted at: March 1st, 2009 09:48 am (UTC)

This is fantastic! I love it. It's a really unusual idea, and you tell it well. Not so sure about the 'songs, my sisters,' line. I lost track of who was being addressed. Perhaps brackets instead of commas would be clearer.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: March 2nd, 2009 12:59 am (UTC)

Thanks! You're right, I think that line needs a rework; I'll have to think about it some.

Posted by: Maire (mkcs)
Posted at: March 2nd, 2009 02:06 am (UTC)

You know, you've actually got me writing poetry again. I'm not posting, because I'm writing fairly basic children's verse and I know a children's book publisher who I'd like to try it out with, so I need it to stay technically unpublished.

But it's great to be writing poetry again regularly.

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: March 3rd, 2009 04:33 am (UTC)

Glad to be of help!

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