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David Hines [userpic]

magnificent spam

March 8th, 2009 (05:26 pm)

Checking my spam box for erroneous classifications by the software, I found one of the greatest paragraphs I've read in a while. The spammer uses generated Chomskyish paragraphs to try to slip past spam detectors; didn't work, but the text is a beaut.

How was your summer? Seemed llke lt flew by as always. Now that fall ls approcahlng why not call my lnformatlon llne to hear how you can use your telephone to brlng ln 1500-3500 uslng lt to resturn calls for us. Get the detalls at thls number.

[number deleted]

Any freight train can go deep sea fishing with a paycheck over a mastadon, but it takes a real chain saw to throw a load bearing fairy at another scythe. When you see a submarine, it means that a single-handledly alleged girl scout daydreams. The usually childlike wheelbarrow figures out a nuclear cocker spaniel. A frightened avocado pit takes a coffee break, and a fractured apartment building earns frequent flier miles; however, the abstraction conquers a crane. Any movie theater can know a cargo bay, but it takes a real reactor to reach an understanding with a blotched crane.

I would give money to hear Ellen Barkin read that. "A frightened avocado pit takes a coffee break, and a fractured apartment building earns frequent flier miles; however, the abstraction conquers a crane. It's THEME TIME RADIO HOUR, with your host Bob Dylan."


Posted by: mendori (mendori)
Posted at: March 8th, 2009 09:48 pm (UTC)

I actually collect nifty spam I get. Such as this gem:
For example, beyond eggplant indicates that defendant defined by give secret financial aid to near debutante. And derive perverse satisfaction from the dark side of her girl scout. Unlike so many fetishists who have made their flabby support group to us.
scab latitude percent eigenspace teardrop bush spoof short order cook beyond ski lodge is gingerly.If tenor over plan an escape from earring related to mating ritual, then support group from bottle of beer reads a magazine.
welsh deuterium czechoslovakia minnie

Or this
They are usually too ignorant to know how to answer it, or even to be afraid, for temptation comes to them in so many disguises almost always in the form of a polite, well-dressed young vampire in human form, who is “pandering” for some brothel.

But nothing out weirds this gem

Posted by: beamjockey (beamjockey)
Posted at: March 9th, 2009 04:47 am (UTC)

The second example makes too much sense to be random Mad Libs. It turns out to be an example of the "grab some text from a public-domain book to fool the Bayesian filters" school of spamming.

One can, of course, google on the passage to learn where it came from. In this case, The Lure of the Dance: A Heart Felt Message to Parents, Teachers and Preachers By a Man Who Knows The Lure of The Dance, by T. A. Faulkner, described as "A Former Dancing Master and Author of From The Ball Room to Hell."

A further sample:

The dance hall is a far more potent factor in the work of evil than any other social practice that
infests our land today. It has as many victims recorded against it as has the saloon, and its
work of destruction is equally damnable. You ask why? In proof of these statements permit me
to briefly compare the work of these two institutions.

The saloon gathers in the young men, robs them of their manhood, lowers them to the deepest depths
of brutality, and either hurls them headlong to an early grave or they become so insatiated
for liquor that they commit crime, and even murder, to satisfy their thirst; but no matter how
low they get they may be saved. Some have been saved, and are today leaders of society, great
and powerful workers for the Lord, and respected by all. No matter how degraded a man becomes,
if he shows a desire to rise and regain his manhood he can always find someone to help him get on
his feet again. On the other hand, when a woman has once lost her purity, becomes degraded and
descends to the level of a saloon habitue, no matter how much, in her sober moments, she may loathe
herself and the life she is living and wish to recover her lost virtue and become the woman she
once was, she receives, instead of help from the hands that are outstretched to help her unfortunate
brothers back to the paths of rectitude, only approbrium and abuse. She is usually kicked back
each time she makes an effort to rise, each time reaching a lower level, until, discouraged
and despairing, and feeling that life holds nothing more for her, she goes on until she either
dies of a disease brought on by her life of shame or ends everything by her own hand, preferring
to run the risk of suffering at the hands of God in a life beyond the grave rather than continue
suffering at the hands of the fiends in human guise who have made life a Hell for her here.

We will now take the ball room in comparison with the saloon and see wherein the difference,
if any, exists. The vice that germinates in the ball room sooner or later sends our boys to the
saloons to try to satisfy a craving which is really the call of nature prematurely aroused by
too close contact with the opposite sex. Say what you will about the innocence of children,
too close proximity to, and too free handling of the body is bound to generate impure thoughts
and feelings, which, even if not given expression while the child is young, will eventually
come to the surface and influence the whole life after the child comes to a real knowledge of
what life means. In some lives these thoughts and feelings, while aroused, are held in abeyance
by circumstances and environments until the young man or woman finally meets and marries someone
who has won their love, if properly instructed-it all ends well, but, oh! the young lives ruined
before even reaching maturity by the influences brought to bear upon them by being placed under
temptation often, before accountability is reached. This subject will be further discussed
in another chapter.

Posted by: Ruthanne Reid (ruthannereid)
Posted at: March 8th, 2009 10:55 pm (UTC)

This needs to be performed by beatniks.

Posted by: Sara LaKali (sara_lakali)
Posted at: March 9th, 2009 01:16 am (UTC)

Those are delightful aren't they? Sometimes I read my spam when I need a brain reset. I find it a little like meditating on a koan.

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