David Hines (hradzka) wrote,
David Hines

KNIGHT MOVES (while the tide's rushin' in)

via burger_eater, I give you a brilliant new romance novel: KNIGHT MOVES, by Jamaica Layne. Wow. I mean, WOW. I have Actual Romance Novelists on my flist, so I feel obliged to just tell you guys: now that Jamaica Layne has broken onto the scene to offer you competition... YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

“Everything you see and feel is real, milady,” my knight says, caressing my bare back with his hands. “That, I promise you. If you desire proof, you only need consider the three very real climaxes you just had in your lady-softness.”

My eyes fly wide. “How did you know I came three times?”

He grins wider. “Your lady-softness told me herself when she was wrapped round my codpiece.”

AUGH. If you think this is some kind of insane parody, then the synopsis is not going to change your mind:

Louise Jackson -- a sexually frustrated, thirty-year-old toll collection supervisor for the New Jersey Turnpike -- is bored out of her gourd at Medieval Worlds: Dinner and Tournament when she heads for the ladies' room. She soon encounters a gorgeous mystery knight in a bathroom stall that is actually a portal to another time and place - a castle in twelfth-century Europe, which is the knight's home. Louise is ecstatic - she believes she has found the incredible knight-in-shining-armor of her wildest fantasies. But the mystery knight is actually Lord Verdigris, who has kidnapped her from the 21st century so she can become a sex slave in his Hall of Harlots, where she will grant sexual favors to Lord Verdigris and the knights of his garrison for all eternity!

Determined to make the best of a bad situation, Louise settles into her new role as Lady Louisa of the Crossroads - by far the most popular and desirable of all the courtesans in Lord Verdigris's Hall of Harlots. Will she find a path back to her own century before the ruthless Lord Verdigris finds out and imprisons her forever? And will she find true love along the way?

(Hey, look, KNIGHT MOVES has an AUDIOBOOK, too! ...c'mon, somebody get it. somebody. who isn't me.)

(This reminds me: I need to type up my impressions of TNT at some point. Because, AUGH.)
Tags: books, wtf
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