from the front to the back, and then once again 'round,
make your mouth frothy, then rinse, and then spit --
that's brushing your teeth, and it won't hurt a bit.
Under your armpits and back of your ears,
shampoo in your hair -- watch your eyes! no more tears!
in a bathtub that's long enough for you to fit --
that's washing you up, and it won't hurt a bit.
Off of your forehead and clear of your neck,
so folks see your face and know what to expect,
with clippers that buzz and scissors that snip --
that's cutting your hair, and it won't hurt a bit.
Or you could be toothless, with your gums cracked and dry,
and be crusted in filth, and smell like a sty,
and have hair down to here that's greasy to see --
but that's not all bad -- 'cause then you'd look like me!