David Hines (hradzka) wrote,
David Hines

APED: "battlefield medicine"

Hello, Corporal, I'm the battlefield surgeon,
ah, those Minie balls yet again?
I'm afraid that it's bad, so it's really quite urgent
you get on the table I've got in my tent,
and bite on this wood, and hold onto something,
I'll strap you down tightly and then
I'll have that leg off inside of a minute,
and then you'll be all right again.

I wish I could do something better,
but it just wouldn't work out at all.
I've tried it before -- well, you see that I'm fettered,
they said I was mad, they said they were appalled,
but my skills were still needed, so they gave me a pardon,
and sent me back out here, and so
I'm cutting off legs like a butcher at market,
I've gotten quite good now, you know.

Have you ever wondered, Corporal, tell me,
what you would look like with three or four arms?
They'd just flop around, I can barely attach them,
but you can't deny that the thought has its charms,
I wish that our science could let me do better,
It's a shame we'll just have to make do --
at least my red hands will get a bit redder,
and I'll do my best job for you.

There, now, I've got it. You should meet my cousin.
He'll make you a new leg that's powered by steam.
At least that's the theory, he says, though I'll tell you
his last one exploded -- oh, my God, the man screamed!
But he's gotten much better with his latest three models,
they work in their fashion for a minute or two.
Here is his card. Call on him, you ought to --
now send in the Sergeant on your way out, do.
Tags: a poem every day

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