APED: "the beast in the garden"

There is a beast that lives in the garden,
down by the lilacs, or so I've head tell,
where the little old ladies come strolling to sniff them
and when they do, he grabs them, and drags them to hell.

Hell is a place short on little old ladies,
and the ones who go there on their own are quite mean,
but the Devil loves bridge games and tea in the garden,
and knitting and chats over spearmint ice cream.

So he sent out the beast to go live in the garden,
surrounded by lilacs and sunshine all day,
and bring him old ladies for nice conversation,
and ice cream, and bridge, or else Mah Jongg to play.

And the beast hates the garden, and mourns its assignment,
for the warmest of summers is cooler than hell,
and it's good to old ladies, but not so good to others --
don't go by the lilacs; you won't end up well.