APNED: "arthur and oscar"

The editor of LIPPINCOTT'S MAGAZINE invited two writers he was courting to dinner. One was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and he went home afterward and wrote the second Sherlock Holmes novel, THE SIGN OF THE FOUR. The other was Oscar Wilde, and he wrote home and wrote THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY. I don't know what they ate for dinner, but I want some. According to W.S. Baring-Gould, Doyle came away from dinner thinking Wilde insane. I don't know what Wilde thought of Doyle, but I am tempted to start a rumor that Wilde's diary for the evening included the mysterious phrase "Pompous but cute."

Oscar and Arthur met up for some dinner
making a night of it out on the town --
"Oh, Oscar," said Arthur, "would you pass the pepper?"
"Dear Arthur," purred Oscar, "do you like my gown?"

Oscar and Arthur were men of experience,
varied and broadened and oftentimes queer:
"I served on a ship," Arthur said, "in the Arctic."
Said Oscar, "I've tupped every boy in Algiers."

Said Arthur, "My heroes are upright and noble."
"And handsome," said Oscar, "and lively and gay!"
Said Arthur, "Hang on -- you think they're up each other?"
"They aren't?" said Oscar. "Well, if you so say."

Said Arthur, "Look, Oscar, I think you're a madman.
Now I'm off home to marry old Watson away."
Said Oscar, "Oh, well, I suppose, if you have to --
I'll go write The Picture of Dorian Gray."