bring me the inventor of Google Buzz. so I may hurt him.

I am not on Facebook. Really, I am not on Facebook. In fact, I am *so* not on Facebook, that if I *were* on Facebook, my fucking status message would read "David Hines is not on Facebook." Google, however, decided that I would be much happier if I were on Facebook, so they made their own version of Facebook and added me to it, to which I say, "Fuck you, Google. Fuck you very, very much, very hard, with a sharp and spiky cactus, FUCK YOU."

There are a lot of things that piss me off about Google Buzz. For example: it is not at all immediately clear how the fucking thing works. I am on it, despite not wanting it, not knowing what it does, and not being able to find out what it does until I am on it, at which point I want nothing more than to sign out of it and have it and I not fucking exist as far as I am concerned. There doesn't appear to be a way to do that. What's more, I suddenly have a bunch of people paying attention to me, some of whom I don't know who they are. This is because Google Buzz is fucking inexplicable and enigmatic about its connections. For example: an asshole, whom I blocked, was following me; I took a moment to block him again. I hadn't exchanged contentious email with him in months, and the only way I knew it was him, to block him, was that he was not using his real name, but an incredibly distinctive pseudonym. Some people following me? I don't know who they are. I can't imagine what people who have multiple email stalkers, rather than occasional asshole correspondents, are going to do. Good fucking luck.

This reaction may seem weird, considering that I'm fannishly active under my own name, but if people come across something that I'm doing and they know who I am, that doesn't bother me. But there is nothing more I hate than people who feel compelled to tell everybody everyfuckingthing they do, and Google Buzz just tried to turn me into one of those. I compartmentalize: if you want to know what weird shit I'm up to in the course of a day, you can follow me on Twitter. If you want to read my fanfic and reviews, you can follow me here (DW or LJ, whichever). I live my professional life offline. Maybe this is weird, but this is what I'm comfortable with. And Google just took my comfort zone and said, "Y'know what? Fuck that."

Well, fuck you right back, Google. When Buzz has an off switch, let me know.

ETA: the solution, first pointed out by jamaillith on LJ and by anatsuno on DW: scroll allll the way down to the bottom of your Gmail inbox. See the teeny tiny blue letters beginning "Gmail view:"? One of the options down there is "turn off buzz." I clicked it. It went away. I only wish there were an option for "turn off buzz with extreme prejudice." Thanks very much, source of knowledge.