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David Hines [userpic]

my dog is a tease

April 9th, 2010 (09:53 pm)

This is the routine at Ma's: in the morning, one of us takes the dogs out to get the paper. This involves putting them on lead, walking down to the street, and then doing a quick little stroll along the sidewalk that cuts between Ma's house and the next-door neighbors'. We don't go all the way to the other street, just to the end of the neighbors' backyard fence, and then walk back. The neighbors have two dogs of their own, and they rush to the fence to sniff at my dog Cigarette when we walk past. Ma's dog, Boswell, ignores this silliness, as he's above it all, but Cigarette positively relishes it. At least, until the walk back. This is how it plays out:

NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "Oh boy! Oh boy! She's back!"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #2. "I know! Miss! Hi, miss!"
MY DOG. "Good morning, boys."
NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "Could… could I sniff your bottom, miss?"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #2. "Could I sniff your ears?"
MY DOG. "Oh, boys. Of course."
NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "Thank you miss!"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #2. "Yes, thank you, miss!"

The neighbors' dogs sniff my dog eagerly.

MY DOG. "Hope you liked that, boys." *moves further down the fence*
NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "Ohmigod, she smelled AWESOME!"

They fall over each other to follow her down the fenceline.

MY DOG. "Yes, boys? What is it?"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "Oh, miss! Miss!"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #2. "Miss, could I smell your bottom this time?"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "And could I smell your ears?"
MY DOG. "I suppose so."
NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "Oh wow oh wow oh wow!"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #2. "Which smells better?"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "I can't decide! *I can't decide!*"
MY DOG. "'scuse me, boys." *moves away again*

The neighbors' dogs run after her.

NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "Ooh! Miss! Miss!"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #2. "Could -- could we both smell your bottom? AT THE SAME TIME?!"
MY DOG. "If you like."
NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "Oh, man! Oh, man!"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #2. "Holy *crap,* this is awesome!"
BOSWELL. "I am pretending that I DON'T KNOW ANY OF YOU."

We reach the end of the yard and trun around.

NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "Oh, miss! Miss!"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #2. "Miss! Please!"
MY DOG. *smugly* "Sorry, boys. Have to be getting on, you know."
NEIGHBORS' DOG #1. "But miss --!"
NEIGHBORS' DOG #2. "Please, miss!"

MY DOG. "Nice seeing you, boys. Have a good morning."
ME. "You should be ashamed of yourself, honey."
MY DOG. "I'm sorry, boss, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."

Originally posted on my DW. | comment count unavailable people have commented there. | Do so yourself, if you like.


Posted by: amonitrate (amonitrate)
Posted at: April 10th, 2010 02:12 am (UTC)

aw man sometimes I miss having a dog.

Posted by: peppermenthe (peppermenthe)
Posted at: April 10th, 2010 02:13 am (UTC)

Oh dear. I can just see that... Well written, you've turned standard dog behavior into something rather twisted. You just made my day.

Posted by: greyandgold (greyandgold)
Posted at: April 10th, 2010 03:43 am (UTC)

Agreed, perfectly executed and I think I love you dog. Poor Boswell!

Posted by: sharaith (sharaith)
Posted at: April 10th, 2010 07:03 am (UTC)


I love dogs. They're like humans, but with a better sense of humor. :D

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: April 10th, 2010 10:05 pm (UTC)

Are you sure she's not trying to follow your example? Or set one for you?

Posted by: Vvalkyri (vvalkyri)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 05:18 pm (UTC)

you are marvelous.

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