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David Hines [userpic]

worst. nipple erection. ever.

June 22nd, 2010 (01:49 am)
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This is the most amazingly horrifying thing I have seen in a month: "The Animated Nipple Erection Compendium."

Whut.

It is *exactly* what it sounds like: one man's brave attempt to document, categorize, and rate nipple erections in Japanese animation. You would think that this is an oddly specific fetish, and you'd be right, but it gets even more detailed. Each shot is summarized in several fields: Character, Title, Release Date, Erection Type (Clothed, Nude, Crossfade, and/or Pulsating -- yes, Pulsating), Erection Time (in both seconds *and frames*), Caused By (ie, what made the nipple become erect? "erotic mental stimulation," or "nonconsensual nipple caress" [o.O -- DH] or…), and My Rating, wherein the author rates the shot(s) in Visual and Thematic terms, from 1 to 4 out of 4.

Ladies and gentlebeings -- no, I got nothin'. Maybe it's a condition; maybe he's just a fella who loves titties.

Regardless, I haven't mentioned the best thing about the page yet: it is written *exactly* in the voice of THE SIMPSONS's Comic Book Guy. From the introduction:

In most cases, drawing censorship does not bother me. Whereas the use of mosaics, black boxes, or Godiva hair does obscure body parts that some might find offensive, these techniques still acknowledge their presence, letting a less prudish viewer's imagination fill in the blanks. However, the one censorship technique that truly upsets me is when the sexual anatomy is completely omitted.


You can't not hear it, can you? It gets even more disturbing when he's talking about the actual, er, nipple erections:

During what one could consider a rather symbolic nipple erection, Chiffon finally comes to terms with her dark past and breaks free of her emotionless shackles. After Cain suckles on Chiffon's flaccid and heavily wrinkled nipple, the camera zooms in close as it suddenly springs to life. Each wrinkle slowly straightens out as the nipple rises amidst a crescendoing musical score that peaks as the nipple reaches its fully erect state. This absolutely enchanting sequence concludes with Chiffon uttering her first pleasurable moan in what is most likely years. Cain's suckling symbolizes his prior heartfelt apology to Chiffon, whereas Chiffon's nipple symbolizes her demeanor, which transitions from cold and emotionless (withered nipple) to warm and sexually-receptive (healthy, erect nipple). The consensual theme and alluring character design help to make this pronounced and significant nipple transformation my overall favorite depiction yet.


The shot discussed above is eleven frames long and lasts 1.7 seconds. It is lengthy as the shots discussed go. Most of them are less than a second long.

The author also has an essay called, "In Support of Bouncing Breasts: The Evolution in Mainstream Video Gaming:"

Due to the rhythmical thrusting nature of intercourse combined with the female's lack of breast support from removed attire, one would be hard-pressed to witness a sexual encounter that does not feature an accompanying display of attention-drawing bouncing breasts. As a result of this mental association, breast bouncing in more innocent non-sexual contexts still conjures up strong mental images of the sexual act itself. Driven by the oh-so-true adage "sex sells," creators of mainstream video games use this association to their advantage so as to imbue their titles with a unique titillating factor while remaining within the confines of relative social acceptability. Breast bouncing has proven to be an amazingly lucrative and low-risk aspect of many game developers' business models since it can be portrayed without yielding to the somewhat demographic-restricting "mature" rating from the ESRB. Side note: Speaking of the ESRB, they seriously need to consider updating their list of content descriptors to include "Breast Bouncing" as it is LONG overdue... It would help to inform gamers who appreciate such displays while simultaneously helping to prevent offending those individuals who have strong opposing feelings.


…I have the sinking feeling that he is serious.

Possibly because this is the kind of guy who, presuming his readers want to see exactly what he's talking about in his painstaking descriptions of animated nipple erections, *has thoughtfully prepared a shitload of animated .gifs.*

This is another one of the brain-jarring things you come across trawling the net, folks. And I had to share it with you, because I haven't inflicted Grade-A WTF on you guys for a while and I still haven't finished my review of that men's adventure novel I've had backburnered. It's horrifying and weirdly amazing at the same time.

If you find anything even more disturbing on the site in question, please don't tell me.

Originally posted on my DW. | comment count unavailable people have commented there. | Do so yourself, if you like.

Comments

Posted by: Stone of stumbling and rock of offense (wordweaverlynn)
Posted at: June 22nd, 2010 12:09 am (UTC)
As usual, I have the perfect icon
cleavage

Just guessing, but I suspect it's been far, FAR too long since this guy has seen an actual nipple.

Posted by: greyandgold (greyandgold)
Posted at: June 22nd, 2010 12:26 am (UTC)

Interesting news; and I am especially proud of myself for not clicking and traumatizing myself.

It would give nightmares right?

Posted by: Sienamystic (sienamystic)
Posted at: June 22nd, 2010 12:55 am (UTC)
DADA

...I have no words. Not one.

Posted by: vito excalibur (vito_excalibur)
Posted at: June 22nd, 2010 04:47 am (UTC)

"In Support of Bouncing Breasts".


YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

Posted by: David Hines (hradzka)
Posted at: June 22nd, 2010 04:53 am (UTC)

Looks like he just proved himself... *removes sunglasses* a real boob.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

Although that essay contains possibly my favorite thing on the site:

In 1992, a female ninja named Shiranui Mai joined the ranks of SNK’s Fatal Fury and King of Fighters (KOF) series and had the distinct honor of jump-starting a unique trend in the blossoming video game industry. Her formula for success came from a unique combination of (i) her well-endowed character design, (ii) attire that provided virtually no breast support, and (iii) an up-and-down bouncing combat ready stance. Together, these factors yielded the very first in-your-face display of breast bouncing in a video game, providing an unprecedented titillation factor that enhanced the already enjoyable gaming experience. Mai’s character design helped pave her way to being one of the most iconic female video game fighters in history.

The KOF series was received so well by the gaming community that SNK released sequels on a yearly basis. In KOF '96, Mai’s breasts took on even more life when she was gifted with a new side-to-side combat ready stance. When one compares the number of animation frames in her stance to those of the other female characters, it quickly becomes apparent how much effort specifically went into showing off her bouncing bosoms.


To prove he knows whereof he speaks, there is a chart.

Posted by: HJ (hjcallipygian)
Posted at: June 22nd, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)

I fear that one day, one of these weird things you discover is going to break your poor brain. Man was only built to handle so much trauma.

Posted by: sharaith (sharaith)
Posted at: June 23rd, 2010 05:17 am (UTC)
calvin

...

Well, I guess everyone needs a hobby.

>__

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: June 25th, 2010 04:32 am (UTC)

Would that be a John Ringo men's adventure novel, perchance? :)

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: February 1st, 2011 04:53 pm (UTC)

This was a nice article to read, thank you for sharing it..

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